Client Stories

Thank you to all our clients for your stories, we know from the feedback we get that they provide a valuable source of inspiration and support for women everywhere.

Lucy

Antenatal Depression - Coming to a Positive Place

When I discovered I was pregnant in January, I was shocked, horrified and utterly bamboozled. I'd only come off the Pill the month before and had assumed it would take months to conceive. I'd only just got married; I wasn't ready. I didn't want to be pregnant yet.

Such shock and horror was compounded all the more by the guilt this reaction caused. Why did this news impact so negatively on me? Why did I not feel happy and excited like I was supposed to, like other women? After all, I 'wanted' it; I had married the man of my dreams, we wanted a family together, I’d come off the Pill. So what was the problem? I felt disgusted with myself, isolated and completely at a loss. Then the depression kicked in good and proper. I’ve never been prone to depression, but I know what it means when you can’t face getting out of bed and all you can manage of a day is to walk around feeling nihilistic and empty. Not great when you’re self-employed and have crucial deadlines to meet.

Then I met Emma. She kindly squeezed me in to her busy schedule after my tearful phone call at late notice and there began a series of sessions of counselling and massage, which became the lifeline of my early pregnancy. Don’t get me wrong, I had plenty of support at home. My husband was wonderful, but at the same time he found my reaction hard to deal with as he understandably felt like I was rejecting a part of him, so having Emma's impartial ear and voice of expertise was invaluable. She helped me realise that what I was going through was not that unusual, that I was not alone, but, most importantly, that there is no 'supposed to' about pregnancy and the feelings that come with it. For instance, I thought that even though I'd never been one of those women who dream of motherhood from a young age, that when it came to it some latent maternal instinct would kick in and I would feel all those happy natural things that others seemed to. I thought that when it happened I was supposed to feel lucky and happy. Instead I felt cheated by the lack of such emotions, not to mention deeply guilty towards my friends who were having difficulty conceiving. But as Emma helped me see, everyone’s experience is different and many women suffer from antenatal depression... you just don’t hear about it that much, at least not as much as post-natal depression.

So, Emma helped me accept my feelings, to go with them and explore everything surrounding them. She helped me see that not only was my body awash with alien hormones, but also very gently helped me look inside myself to explore any issues or fears I might have about motherhood. Issues? Moi? I thought I was the most sorted person I knew - I'd had a very stable and happy upbringing and family life. Surely I didn't have issues. But there were a couple of small things lurking there under the surface and once I'd acknowledged them, I was able to move on from them. So, thanks to a combination of time, talk, Emma's magical massages and practical pregnancy advice, I am now about two weeks away from giving birth and feeling like a completely different person. I'm still trepidatious about motherhood, but only in so far as I have no idea what to expect, but crucially I am looking forward to the experience and am ready to embrace it and my baby with delight and serenity.